The Love - Hate Switch
In my mind, I quit soda - by flipping a switch in my brain from Love (ON) to Hate (OFF). I was on the soda team and then I was on the anti-soda team. This binary model was disturbed when I learned that both philosophy and science agree that the opposite of Love and Hate is not each other, its indifference.
In the study Neural Correlates of Hate, Semir Zeki and John Paul Romaya, October 29, 2008, brain scans showed that Love and Hate shared two out of three brain regions. They share areas of intense feelings. Love activates the brain region that increases acceptance, lowers judgement - common wisdom that “love is blind” was affirmed. Hate activates the area of the brain for disgust, judgement and prediction. When we hate something we see everything that it’s done and going to do as wrong.
We see this divide everyday in politics, people seeing two movies on the same screen. If President Trump sent out a tweet that said “I like puppies.” His supporters would think that it was light, funny and cute. His detractors would say he is either frivolous, that he likes to eat puppies, or insulting leaders of Asian countries where dog-eating is still practiced. The same high positive and negative reactions happened to President Obama. Unfortunately, our media needs to keep people in a constant state of tension in order to keep ratings high. Hating Obama or Trump is pointless and hurts your mental health and friendships, it’s like taking a drug that makes you yell at walls during parties - driving yourself nuts while pissing off friends. A few months of hating TCU food companies might seem irrational, but you’ll likely be healthier for the rest of your life.
http://mysteriouslights.blogspot.com/2011/02/opposite-of-love.html
The Triangle of Hate, Love and Indifference
After reading the study I searched online for a visual model of love-hate-indifference. I found a triangle by the creator of the blog - Mysterious Lights. The triangle model is a good visualization of hate-love-indifference being opposites on different dimensions - Intensity of feeling and like-dislike. The triangle model isn’t good for showing changes in feelings and habits. I wanted the triangle model to be 3-D and have the love and hate curl in together so that they are almost touching. When people have intense feelings, they rarely flip to indifference. It takes time to settle down to indifference. Love - hate flips do happen.
In movies, Rom-Com characters frequently go from Hate to Love. In real life, Love to Hate seems more common - many people spit bile whenever they mention their ex-, a person you assume they once loved.
Because I wanted a love and hate to come together, I looked for a love-hate circle and couldn’t find one. So I began to make one.
The Circle of Love and Hate
Creating the circle gave me a lot to think about. The circle also gave me insights into feelings and their impacts.
I created a circle with parallel scales from 1-10 for intensity of feelings. Blue at the bottom to represent, indifference, coldness, the opposite of passion. Red as you go up for both love and hate to represent red love hearts and angry hate. A slight gap at the top to separate love and hate.
Here are some insights from making and using the circle.
The least likely change in feelings is across the circle to the opposite feeling. I’ts not likely that you go from hating something a little bit (H6) to liking it a lot (L4). If you hate something a little bit (H6), you are more likely to hate it more (H9) or calm down and just dislike it (D3).
It is a battleground where love and hate come together. Going over the top happens when a person flips their view of something. I’ve seen this happen in politics, hobbies, relationships and habits.
We define ourselves by what we do and what we care about. She’s a smoker. He’s a drinker. They protest clinics. They vote this way. He’s an ex-drinker.
Because, there is more that we don’t do, then do. We don’t normally define ourselves by what we rarely or never do and don’t care about. He’s a once a year bowler. She’s never golfed. They don’t fish. They just never registered to vote.
The emptiest quadrant should be hate. It takes energy to oppose something and it’s often futile - like pressing against a cement wall. Most things we hate, drift down over time to dislike as we give them less thought.
The fullest area is “iced,” L2 to D2. It’s also the hardest to list things for, because by definition you don’t give them much thought.
Our frequency of a habit that is unhealthy and addictive or healthy and scheduled can give the impression that we love it (L9), when in reality our true feelings are lower (L6)
When battling an addiction its not possible to get from Love (heavy usage) to Dislike (no usage, little thought) by slow reduction and eventual indifference. To quit an addiction you have to go over the top - you’ve got to hate it - or at least hate what it does to you. Give it up, be its opposition, then as it is no longer in your life, your feelings will decline.
When battling a bad habit - Love8 for ice cream every night - it’s more likely for you to get to a Like2 - ice cream once a month - by going over the top, focus on the negatives, and eliminating it all together for a period of time, rather than trying to cut back. You might end up in D2 or L2, both of which are healthier than L8. When you love something and try to reduce consumption to low like levels, consumption will yo-yo up and down and you’ll feel like a failure.
When trying to build a good habit, like a type of exercise, it’s also best to go clockwise. There’s little possibility of taking something you hate doing and doing it at love levels. Look to increase activities that you like and experiment with types of exercise that are iced.
Hate keeps me warm
After “going over the top” on soda from Love to Hate I’ve stayed in the hate quadrant because I want to help other people. I’m a person who’s actively opposed to added sugar, added sweeteners, and most processed foods. I need to remain alert to the actions of these opponents - the bad people who are hurting America. After you go over the top and dump many TCU foods, I expect your fervor to decline. You’ll still be healthier as you end up disliking some things forever and liking others enough to have them only on occasions.